In my genealogical and historical research on the Internet, I have come across a great number of wonderful sites that are devoted to personal family history and the ancestral research which, I believe, has been the reason so many who would otherwise not have had any inclination to set up and maintain a web site, have chosen to do so. To spread the word about their hobby, their fascination, their addiction if you will, to the search for those elusive ancestors. Setting up and maintaining a web site is a tremendously time consuming effort, and I applaud those who have successfully done just that while working, raising children, being mothers, fathers, grandparents, and such. This is my attempt. Please feel free to let me know what you think.

            I have noticed that many of the sites I have come across have space devoted to the telling of a bit of personal history, primarily information such as what caused the webmaster's intense genealogical endeavor, and what prompted the taking on of an additional and relentless, full-time job--maintaining and updating their presence on the web. Little of that space is devoted to discussion of the individual. One thing I would like to accomplish with this site is to let the you, the visitor in on who I am, and what my goals are genealogically speaking.  The Timeless Legacies web site and this link, "MY READING RECOMMENDATIONS."  will tell you a lot about my endeavors into genealogy, local New Jersey history and Oral History Biographies.

           I am publishing an essay here which will help you to understand a little bit about me. It was written as part of an entrance requirement for the Adult Degree Program of Vermont College of Union Institute, in which I am currently enrolled. You can read that essay by clicking here.              

         If you have read the essay above then you probably understand what I was feeling as I dealt with the fact that my mom and dad were no longer living. Aside from the expected trauma of losing one's parents, I had to deal with the guilt of knowing that, over the years there were so many times that both my parents tried to tell me things that were important to them--things that they wanted me to hear. Usually, it went in one ear and out the other. Mom used to say, "You have selective hearing." Or, "You only hear what you want to hear." She was so right. I don't want you to think that I never listened to my parents. But, I never understood how valuable the little anecdotes about their lives would one day be to me and to my children. I vowed to find a way to help others avoid the mistake that I made. Making that vow to myself, has led me to a intense interest in a number of subjects I was never interested in before. Subjects like genealogical research, local history, the history of the NJ, NY and PA areas, and oral history. I have also developed an interest in recording oral histories and the methods of creating video, audio and written biographies. These subjects are fascinating and I wish I had developed the interest long before my 48th birthday. Of course, what I really wish is that I had developed the interest before my mom and dad passed away. I would give anything to be able to watch a video of my mom and dad discussing their childhood, their school years, living through the depression, how it felt to be the daughter of Italian immigrant parents in Newark, NJ, or the son of rural southern sharecroppers in Mississippi. All those times that my mom began a sentence with the words, "When I was a little girl..."  were the beginnings of a priceless story, a moment in time that I could have captured forever. A moment in time that I could have captured and passed on to my children. They are lost now, and that makes me sad. The fact is, the sadness I feel is very selfish and self-centered. And that is in itself a sad thing.

           The point I want to make that is so important is a simple one. So simple that I am amazed at how long it took me to understand it. My sadness is self-centered because it is only the feelings I have about missing those moments in time. It is about me, my loss, my sadness. What about the people that tried to tell me the stories? What about mom and dad's feelings when I didn't have time to listen to the anecdotes and things about their lives that had gone by them so many years ago? What about the sadness they must have felt at my lack of interest in what they had to say. This hurts me more than anything else. I did not give them the attention they so deserved. I was too 'busy' with my own life to sit for half an hour and listen. And question. And learn. Too busy to learn.

           I loved my parents dearly, and I miss them terribly. A day does not go by that I don't think of them. I always wonder if I said "I love you" often enough, or if I told them how much they were appreciated. And I always wonder if I ever hurt their feelings without remembering to say, "I'm sorry."  I don't think I was ever mean, cruel, or otherwise ungrateful. But I was disinterested when I was younger. And that can be just about as bad now that I have so much time to think about it. My children, for the most part, are interested in learning about my life. When I start to tell them about something that happened to me, they will usually listen attentively. Of course, I am usually telling them something that has to do with the moment at hand, an example of how I handled a particular situation, or a difficult time that I got through and how I managed. But they are usually interested and will hear what I am saying. Mind you, I don't interrupt a hot date, or the Super Bowl, or a particularly important segment on MTV, (by the way, it was my generation that invented MTV! Remember rock & roll?) to talk about one of life's lessons. I wait for a more opportune moment. The point is, maybe my parents generation were not as adept at getting through to their teenagers. Regardless, my mom and dad had things to say, and I could kick myself now for not taking advantage of their attempts at expression.

          My mom and dad loved to talk. My family on my mother's side were all Italians. What Italian do you know that doesn't love to talk? Family gatherings were filled with cousins, aunts and uncles, friends, all talking. Sometimes more talking then eating, if that were possible! But, what an opportunity I passed up by not learning this thirty years ago, while there was still time to capture grandpa's voice on tape talking about his immigration to America, traveling across the ocean aboard the Palatia from Naples in 1903 at the tender age of seventeen. Or the experiences of my Uncle Al in Trinidad during the war. Or the family's reactions to the death of one of my aunts at the young age of fifteen, due to a disease that today is almost unheard of because of medical advancements. And the worst thing of all--this is not just my loss. It is the loss of my children, and their children and grandchildren.

           I can hear you saying, "For God's sake, don't be so hard on yourself. You were a kid, and kids are supposed to be self-centered, obnoxious and uninterested in their parents childhood memories." I know. But I am hard on myself for a reason. I am hard on myself because I want to do something about this kind of thing. We are a society in America that places incredible value on our youth, our preppy culture, our vitality. What we ignore is our parents, and our grandparents. Our elderly folk have stories to tell. They have memories that they will only remember for just so long. And the worst thing is that, the less they talk about the memories of their lives, the less they will remember. And that is all the more details that will be lost for all time. Sad, isn't it? That when a person dies, their memories die with them?

          Rutgers University has gone to great lengths to record the stories of our World War II veterans because they came to realize that little by little, all our veterans were dying off. It's just how life goes. You only live so long. So Rutgers began preserving the memories and the stories of our veterans experiences in the war. You will find a link to the Rutgers web site on the links page, and there you can read many of the oral histories that have been recorded and transcribed and made available. Rutgers professors realized two things when they started this program; one, that our veterans were dying off and their stories were in danger of becoming extinct; and two, that our veterans wanted to talk. They wanted to share their stories, and they wanted someone to be interested enough to sit and listen.

           The TV commercials tell us constantly to 'listen' to our children. I agree that this is important. But, perhaps we should be have commercials that tell adults to 'listen' to their parents and grandparents, as this is just as important.

           It is my hope that I can do something, hopefully something large, to bring this awareness to the public. There are lots of things going on these days that help to make us conscious of the need to record our stories, and those of our loved ones. Genealogy for one has brought all this to the forefront. Aside from genealogical interests, massive undertakings by large Universities such as the University of Southern Mississippi, University of Connecticut Center for Oral History, Utah State University, South Dakota Oral History Center, University of Kentucky Oral History Program, Rutgers University History Department, have gone along way towards preserving local history, war and veteran history, and history  of other similar topics. (To find more links click here.) Along with researching our ancestors, all of us who are interested in genealogical research know the importance of recording memories before they are forever gone. We just need to get all of those non-genealogy addicted people, (If there are any of those left J) to understand the necessity.

           I have lots of ideas and goals that will help me to achieve this, and some of them will be discussed on the Timeless Legacies Page of this site. More information will be available at the Timeless Legacies Web Site also.

         In the meantime, if you are interested in some thoughts on why our stories should be told and preserved, click here.

Rob