Branching Out Presents If Loving You is Wrong ... Letter 1

Stuck in a nasty frame? Break free here
If Loving You Is Wrong...Letter 1

The story of a young woman's feelings for a man she wasn't supposed to love in her own words.

Most children have two sets of grandparents when they are growing up; their father's parents and their mother's parents. I wasn't so lucky. My mother lost her mother in 1948 when Mom was only 4. Her father never remarried and, quite frankly, gave up his rights as a father by sending Mom to be raised by his in-laws. A monthly support check and occasional visits were the extent of his "fatherly" love but this isn't a story about him or my mother. This is the story of my grandmother, a woman I've come to love and respect through her letters to her future husband.

What makes this story unique is that my mother's parents were first cousins once removed. Imagine the scandal in 1942 of "cousins" marrying! I understand they needed special permission from the Church in order to unite but that was the least of their worries. His mother (whom I understand was "evil") was determined to break-up these two young lovers at all costs. What follows is twelve letters my grandmother, Mary Vargo, wrote to her fiance, Ted Muran, the month before they were married. Ted, 38, was a radioman in the US Navy stationed in Alameda, California, while his bride-to-be, a beautiful 24-year-old, lived in Cleveland, Ohio. As a little background, when Grandma refers to her "bum leg" she's talking about osteomelytis, a disease she contracted after falling from a tree, breaking her leg. In fact, it was her leg that brought her and Grandpa together. His therapeutic massage "healed" her to where she walked with only a slight limp and could kneel at church. Any information in brackets I have added for clarification purposes, everything else is exactly as Grandma wrote it all those years ago.

09 May 1942, Midnight

Dear Ted-

After I talked to you tonight I felt better, but the shock of your mother's call was too much. So Frankie [her brother] took me out for a long drive. We just got back and everyone is in bed. While there's peace and quiet here I thought I'd write and tell you all that happened.

I knew she [Ted's mother] wouldn't approve but I never thought anyone was capable of saying such things. When she said you only felt sorry for me and that after I kissed and bit you, you got excited you agreed to anything, I was sick to my stomach. All the other things didn't bother me but that did. What did you write?

Listen, Ted, I don't have to marry you as was implied. And I'm not 49 with not a prospect in sight. I might have a bum leg but there's always been men who wanted me and this isn't bragging either. There's a chap in the Marines who asks me to marry him in every letter. I've known him for years but there's no feeling there at all. If it was just marriage I wanted, I could have it. So if you feel sorry for me, etc., forget it - you or anyone needn't marry me.

Your mother said I went with Paul [her ex-boyfriend] for three years and his mother broke us up so she said "she could do it and so can I." Mrs. Volk [Paul's mother] did but only because Paul let her. I loved a boy not a man who was in love. And George [another boyfriend] and I didn't click at all - religion was the reason for that. He believed in no God. But that romance was meant to be because I forgot Paul.

Your mother went on to say you fell in love once a year and almost married another girl last year but she stopped it. It seems you don't know what you're doing. Also, if we had children they'd all be imbeciles and deaf mutes account of my leg. That's horrible because I asked Dr. Duncan if I could marry and he replied, "You've a healthier body than most girls. Your only handicap is your leg" and he should know, he's one of the best in the city.

Was also told that I wanted to marry you because I was a burden to Mom and Dad. That isn't true, financially, perhaps, but nothing else. Mom says the day I leave here would be the saddest day for them. It seems I'm using you for a one-way ticket to California (but Mom told her I could go tomorrow on my money if that's what I wanted.) And no man wants me because of my leg. I'm not fit for you. Damn it, I'm just as good as anyone. And that you couldn't afford a maid and I wouldn't be able to keep house. That's rot - I work like a horse and take care of Greggie [her brother]. If you marry me, you needn't set your foot in her door. She never wants to see you again. Now you're the sole heir, but if you do this you're cut off without a cent. You'd be an outcast. She said if the priests allow this - there is no Catholic faith and she'll leave the church. It's a disgrace because we're related...a sin.

Steve and Dorothy [Ted's brother and sister-in-law] think you're a fool and that I must be hard up to marry my cousin. Your mother says they're laughing at us. And she's even going to write to Grandma [Mary's maternal grandma] telling her to stop it.

She even cursed, Ted, and I was so proud of Mom. She never even raised her voice. Mom told her she's not stopping anything, we're both old enough to know what the score is and if the priests and bishops sanction it - she has nothing to say. Some pretty raw things were said to Mom and she took it. I'll never forget that Mom has had hell on earth with Dad's folks and she understands what it is.

I had to talk to you. I was so hurt - you only wanted to marry me because you were sorry for me and couldn't get out of it. It seems I asked you - threw myself at you. Oh Ted, I'm so sick now. Was going to mail the letter I had written to you but after that call - how could I send a letter like that?

Mom and Dad received your letter and you went up higher in their regard because of it. They like you, Ted, and both say if that's what I want - they'll be satisfied and wish me lots of happiness. But now Ted??? You must think this over very carefully and tell me the truth. Whatever it is I'll feel better knowing. I couldn't bear the thought of thinking you married me only because you were sorry. I want pity from no one. In fact, I'm much to be envied - but some people can't see further than their noses. I'm so mad I could do most anything.

And Ted, I'm not taking my anger out on you. I'm just telling all that was said and how I feel. You told me that nite you always cared for me. Then you couldn't have been swept off your feet. The more I think, the more mixed up I get. Your mother is going to make things very difficult and unbearable, Ted. She isn't kidding and she's out for blood. Can you take it?

It's after one and I'm going to bed and try to sleep. Think it all over, Ted and for the God's sake write me the truth. (I know you told me over the phone but think about everything before you say "I love you" again.)

There's so little happiness in this world and yet people try to stop that. I'm sick inside - Ted. What is going to happen?

Good-night, Ted

Schmutzie's Signature

Best viewed at
800 x 600 with

Database and Links maintained by Site Owner and Web/Graphic Designer
Unless otherwise noted, the graphics at this site were created by the Webmaster. This website, its HTML coding and graphics, may not, in whole or in part, be copied or reproduced without the express written consent of the Webmaster.

JoAnne M. Stary, Webmaster

copyright ©1997 - 2002. All rights reserved.
created 06 November 1997, online since 03 December 1997.

Webspace generously provided by Rootsweb