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GENEALOGICAL HUMOUR

I would love some more of these so please send 'em in.

SODS LAW OF GENEALOGY: After years of painstaking research when you finally solve the mystery of the skeleton in the closet, your tight-lipped spinster aunt will sniff, "Well, I could have told you all that!"

SODS SECOND LAW OF GENEALOGY: Never ever put the right information on ANY of your certificates because if you do your descendants may actually find you.

All-Time Greatest Genealogical Movies:
International Section -
Census and Sensibility
A Fiche Called "Wanda to Zelda"
Lost in Transcription
All About Eve [parents not found]
Good Will Hunting -- Wrong Will Finding
Honey I Shrunk the Kith
Adventures in the Kin Trade
Male Baptismal Sponsor III

Irish Section -
Ryan's Daughter [allegedly]
Dublin Indemnity
The O'Dea Hunter
Life of Brian - (aka Bryan, Brien, Breen, O'Brian, O'Breen, O'Brien, Ó Bríain, et al)

Tipperary Section -
I Captured the Cashel
Thurles Miserables
Citizen Borrisokane
24 Hours from Nenagh
Nightmare on Emly Street

Ancient Rules for Ancestors!

And they were SO good at following them!

(1) Thou shalt name your male children: James, John, Joseph, Josiah, Abel, Richard, Thomas, William.

(2) Thou shalt name your female children: Elizabeth, Mary, Martha, Maria, Sarah, Ida, Virginia, May.

(3) Thou shalt leave NO trace of your female children.

(4) Thou shalt, after naming your children from the above lists, call them by strange nicknames such as: Ike, Eli, Polly, Dolly, Sukey.---making them difficult to trace.

(5) Thou shalt NOT use any middle names on any legal documents or census reports, and only where necessary, you may use only initials on legal documents.

(6) Thou shalt learn to sign all documents illegibly so that your surname can be spelled, or misspelled, in various ways: Hicks, Hix, Hixe, Hucks, Kicks or Robinson, Robertson, Robison, Roberson, Robuson, Robson, Dobson.

(7) Thou shalt, after no more then 3 generations, make sure that all family records are lost, misplaced, burned in a court house fire, or buried so that NO future trace of them can be found.

(8) Thou shalt propagate misleading legends, rumors, and vague innuendo regarding your place of origin:
(A) you may have come from : England, Ireland, Scotland, Wales.... or Iran.
(B) you may have Maori ancestry (replace with American Indian...)of the______tribe......
(C) You may have descended from one of three brothers that came over from______

(9) Thou shalt leave NO cemetery records, or headstones with legible names.

(10) Thou shalt leave NO family Bible with records of birth, marriages, or deaths.

(11) Thou shalt ALWAYS flip thy name around. If born James Albert, thou must make all the rest of thy records in the names of Albert, AJ, JA, AL, Bert, Bart, or Alfred.

(12) Thou must also flip thy parent's names when making reference to them, although "Unknown" or a blank line is an acceptable alternative.

(13) Thou shalt name at least 5 generations of males and dozens of their cousins with identical names in order to totally confuse researchers.

(14) If thou wife shall die before you, thou may only be wed again to a woman with the same given name.

BUMPERSTICKERS

Adam and Eve probably found genealogy boring

A family history shows you've really lived!

A family reunion is an effective form of birth control.

A job is nice but it interferes with genealogy

A new cousin a day keeps the boredom away.

Add to your genealogy the fun, easy way - have grand children!

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

Families are like fudge …mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
(and in Welsh) “gadewch I blant bychain ddyfod attaf fi”.

FLOOR: (n) The place for storing your priceless genealogy records.

Gene-Allergy - It's a contagious disease, but I love it!

Genealogica Bonsai: Little family trees.

Genealogists do it generation after generation.

Genealogists do it in trees.

Genealogists live in the past lane.

Genealogists never die, they just get filed away.

Genealogists: People helping people.....that's what it's all about!

Genealogists: Time unravelers.

Genealogy can sometimes be a really dead end hobby

Genealogy is a family affair

Genealogy is breaking bread with the dead.

Genealogy is not a hobby, it's a disease!

Genealogy is the only hobby where dead people can really excite you.

Genealogy is T-R-E-E-rific!

Genealogy: Chasing your own tale!

Genealogy made me what I am today.

He ain't heavy--He's my brother's aunt's sister's husband.

He who dies with the most ancestors wins!

Heredity: Everyone believes in it until their children act like fools!

I chase dead people – like chasing parked cars, it sounds easy since they haven’t moved in centuries – but the trick is finding which lot they are parked in.

I only work on Genealogy on days that end in "Y".

I trace my family history so I will know who to blame.

I used to have a life, then I started doing genealogy.

I'm no genealogist. ... Until this year I spelled it "GeneOlogist!"

I'm not stuck, I'm ancestrally challenged.

Isn't genealogy fun? The answer to one problem, leads to a dozen more!

It's hard to believe that someday I'll be an ancestor.

Jeanealogy: the study of LEVIS and WRANGLERS.

My ancestor was in a witness protection programme.

My kids will appreciate the research I've done... when pigs fly.

My life has become one large Gedcom!!

My problems are all relative

Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we marry and then conceive.

Old genealogists never die, they just lose their census.

Only a Genealogist regards a step backwards as progress.

Searching for lost relatives? Win the Lottery!

Searching shipping records: naval gazing.

So many ancestors...so little time!

The person who said “Seek and ye shall find” was not a genealogist.

Theory of relativity: If you go back far enough, we're all related.

We shall gather at the river (or the genealogy library if it rains).

When I searched for ancestors, I found friends!

Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

Warning: Dates in calendar are closer than they appear.

And now for some Victorian Genealogical Humour:

Marriage Announcement:
On the 21st ultimo, by the Rev. Mr. Snooks, grandfather of the bride, Mr. William David Smith, Chimney Sweep, only son of John William Smith, Esq., formerly Principal Crossing Sweeper in London, President of the Shoe Black Society, and Vice President of the Anti-Poking Your Nose into other People's Business Society, now holding a Government Appointment in Norfolk Island, having left his Country for his Country's good, to Miss Anastasia Leonora Robinson, second daughter of Phoebe Robinson, wife of John Robinson, Green Grocer and General Carrier, late of St. Giles, London-all of the South.
[Source: Wellington Independent (New Zealand), 4 Oct 1862, page 3, column 1]

NOTICE TO CORRESPONDENTS
J. Tate Platt--A correspondent under this signature, evidently badly afflicted with the cacoethes scribendi has of late sent us several lengthy letters. We beg as a particular favor that he will not write any more, it is really too bad to subject us to such a deluge of twaddle, and we cannot consent to subject our readers to a similar infliction. [Wellington Independent, 6 Dec 1862, page 2, column 5]


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