Once upon a time I found a magic lantern and was very excited as I thought about the three wishes I would make. I rubbed the lamp and waited. There was a low rumble followed by a cloud of dust and smoke. At once I realized I had miscalculated by forgetting just how long the Genie had been trapped in the lamp. A lot of dust had settled in there over the eons -- a lot of dust.

As the Genie appeared I could feel my head clogging up, my eyes begin to water, and I started to wheeze. Sounding a bit irritated, the Genie demanded to know my first wish. Unfortunately, all I could do was sneeze.

"A-choo!"

"OK," Genie replied. "It won't be easy, but I know of a great one."

Suddenly, there in front of me stood Moses himself carrying the 10 Commandments and his staff and everything. What could I say? Moses was definitely "a-Jew." I apologized to Moses for the mistake, and he made his Exodus.

"Well, it wasn't MY mistake, you miserable, ungrateful mortal! So, what's next? Hurry up!" Genie was apparently late for an appointment or something.

I looked at him through my seriously watering eyes and saw he was in no mood to debate the point. I thought a moment and just decided I want happiness, that's all. My sinuses made communication a bit of a problem though. "I wand do be habby."

"You what? What in blue blazes is 'habby,' you twit?" I told you he was irritable.

"You know -- habby, as in merry."

"Fine," said the Genie. "Your 'I do' is done did."

Instantly a ring appeared on my finger and what could only be my bride appeared at my side. "I said 'habby' not 'hubby,'" I shouted! My head hurt. "I wand do be merry, not married."

"Quit your snivelling, " that wretch of a Genie retorted. "What's done is done. You're married now and whether you'll be happy or not is up to the two of you." It was a good point, I had to admit.

"So, what's the last wish -- a nice honeymoon or what?"

My head was so stuffed up by then I thought I was going to suffocate. My third wish was based solely on my instinct for survival. I wanted to breathe! Sigh. Of course when I said it, I must admit it really did sound like "Genie, ah jus' wish ah cud breed."

And that my friends is how all of the people in my family came to be. I apologize to the whole world, but I can't stop them from breeding all over the place -- the Genie is out of the bottle and it's all because of my Genie Allergy.

You are the th person to regret having visited this page.

* Michael Odle is the author and this story is entirely his fault. It is copyrighted 1999, though why anyone would want to plagiarize it is a mystery to me. The copyright is for your own good.
 

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