MURPHY'S EMERALD IDYLL
HUMOR
The Value of Humor
It seems strange at first discussing such a subject.
Isn't it a given? Doesn't everyone know humor is a valuable
commodity? The more you think about it, the more its reality sets
in. There are thousands of people who need humor. The first
who come to mind are the sick who need humor help to take their minds off their
discomfort. There are prison inmates, persons bogged down with work
pressures or with many needy children to care for. There are the young who
have not yet 
learned social skills and fear rejection. There are people of
all ages with low self esteem whose shyness keeps social contacts to a
minimum. There are people who just cannot bring themselves to show
warmth, caring or gratitude. Men in particular are noted for this.
We have to learn to loosen up.
I remember a Christmas in particular when an elderly female
relative, who was "hard to buy for" was given a bag of bird
seed. This was a good choice because she was known to like
animals. However, this gruff lady always had trouble expressing herself in
any kind of tender way. The best she could manage in place of an approving
"Thank you" was to grumble, "Darn birds eat you out of house and
home."
It is important that we teach young people the value of a
good sense of humor. They have to learn that we adults are human,
too. We also have done dumb things which brought on laughter at the time,
even though we may have had to wait a while to see the humor in it. I can
remember how much my sisters and I laughed the time my mother in a happy
moment danced and kicked up her heels in the front hallway. Her shoe flew
off and broke the window in the front door. It sort of redeemed me
somewhat for the time I threw an apple at my sister, Mary, and she ducked.
It went through the kitchen window. I was totally unsuccessful in placing
the blame on her for ducking.
I remember the story mom told about her brother, Joe, when he
was a teenager. He was invited to the home of a new girl friend for the
first time to meet her parents. At the close of the dinner meal Joe found
that the mother's pie crust presented somewhat of a challenge. He pressed down
so hard he broke the woman's plate. This was not the good impression he
had planned.
Young people growing up need to learn not to take themselves
so seriously. They need us to reveal ourselves as human. If mom and
dad are always right and never make mistakes, they put forth an unrealistic role model for
the children to
imitate, and they will have a harder time finding themselves. They will
constantly try to find chinks in your armor to validate their
perception of you as they want you to be.
Now, I do not mean to suggest that we tell our children all
our dirty little secrets. The last thing an immature mind needs is a
parade of soiled linen. Every time they want to try something they should
not do, they will reach into that reservoir of rationalization for another
excuse. I am talking about the kind of dumb, silly, impulsive, self
conscious, follow-the-gang kind of behavior which they can relate to. Show
them what you looked like in those days of bell bottoms, weird hair styles
that you-wouldn't-get-caught-dead-in today, and old style dancing. They
need to recognize the temporary nature of things around them. Seeing these
things which have come and gone so dramatically will help them make the choices
that will make them resilient and able to move more easily from adolescence into adulthood.
Help them develop a good, healthy sense of humor. There
is a world of difference between a Jack Benny and a Don Rickles. I like
and admire both of them. Each was right for his time and place. With
adults familiar with his style he is fine, but I
wouldn't want Don Rickles to entertain at a small grandchild's birthday
party.
Jack Benny's great success was due to using himself as the
butt of much of his humor. He deliberately set himself up as a
cheapskate, a vain man and a bad violinist. He made a career out of
the thousands of jokes these concepts generated. Young people can do well
to start with the Jack Benny model. People respect someone who can take a
joke.
They have to learn early on what is fair game and what is
not. While it may be fine for Jimmy Durante to poke fun at his large
nose and for Phyllis Diller to wisecrack about her hairdo, it
would certainly not be in order to make the same remarks about Mr. Jones next
door or Aunt Martha.
The first thing young people need to learn is that the
overwhelming number of jokes that are successful are jokes which deal with the
behavior of individuals and not their personal appearance. And even the behavior
has to be correctable or controllable to really qualify. Dumb jokes are
popular. I tell them all the time. However, these are jokes
reflecting mistakes or blunders of basically normal people who should know
better or wouldn't have said or done what they did if they took the time to
think about it. It is very hard to make a joke at the expense of the
retarded or mentally ill and have it turn out funny.
Even professional comics miss the mark. I have always
enjoyed watching Jay Leno perform. As good as he is, and as good as his
highly paid writers are, whenever he does jokes about the personal appearance of Linda Tripp or Monica Lewinsky,
I cringe. Jokes should be
about what people do--not what they are. To paraphrase the old political
slogan about the economy--"It's the behavior, stupid." The fodder for jokes is to be
found in exaggerating the foibles, vanities, bad habits, style of dress, figures
of speech, blunders, silliness, surprise reversals of fortune,
omissions, slips of the tongue, embarrassing moments, ironic
statements, misunderstandings, deflated pompousness, greed, weaknesses,
obsessions, incompetence, hypocrisy, impulsiveness, bluntness,
boastfulness, and just plain goofs.
Good jokes also employ certain other concepts concerning
issues of technical style. One has to master the "lead up"
technique which sets up the recipient for the punch line. This often
involves the serial style, frequently employing a set of three situations with
the last carrying the punch. Jokes about the priest, the minister and the
rabbi would be a common example. Good News, Bad News is a common, simple
setup. Sometimes the joke sort of misleads one in a different direction as
a setup for a big surprise. In joke telling, one has to develop skill in
timing. You can't tell a number of "surprise" jokes in a row,
for example, or they will lose their impact. You must also make sure you
have the attention of a group if you are telling a joke. There is nothing
like sub conversations in a group to spoil jokes and require the retelling of
punch lines with no more punch. The spontaneous response of a group of
even only a few people can be an important ingredient of a joke's success. These
points are not always possible to control, but being aware of their
importance can help in the long run.
Everyone likes a good joke. It is a great icebreaker in
new relationships. In addition to remembering the jokes and learning how
to tell them, one also needs to acquire a sense of propriety.
Inappropriate joke telling can be a social and occupational killer. You
can never go wrong with clean family-safe jokes. Young people need help in
developing a good 
repertoire of safe stories to avoid the horrible blunder of a
joke gone awry. Good humor can bridge the generation gap very
easily. While adults may never comprehend the language being screamed into
the loud music on modern recordings, and they may never appreciate a young
face with so much jewelry it looks like it fell into a box of fishing
tackle, they will always enjoy sharing a good joke. Smiles always
look good on all faces whether they have hardware or wrinkles on them.
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pf From: Pauline Farley <Catafarley@aol.com> Date: March 7, 2001 7:55 PM
A Beautiful Story by Pope John Paul I
The following little story was told by Pope
John Paul I (Albino Luciani ) in his 1974 Luciani's
Letters.
I hope you enjoy the story.
----------------
There's a story
about an Irishman who, having died suddenly, approached the
divine tribunal and was considerably worried: the balance
sheet of his life looked fairly poor to him. There was a line
waiting in front of him, so he watched and listened.
After having
consulted the great ledger, Christ said to the first in line:
"I see that I was hungry, and you gave me something to
eat. Good for you! Step into Paradise!"
To the second:
"I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink."
To the third:
"I was in prison and you visited me." And so on.
As each one was
sent into Paradise, the Irishman made an examination of his
conscience and found cause to fear: he had never given
anything to eat or drink, he had never visited the sick or the
imprisoned.
His turn came, and
he was trembling as he looked at Christ examining the ledger.
But now Christ
raises His eyes and says to him: There's not much written
here. However, you also did something: I was sad, dejected,
humiliated: you came, you told me some jokes, made me laugh,
and restored my courage. Paradise!"
-------------
This is a joke, I agree, but it underlines the fact that no
form of charity should be neglected or underestimated. Joy can
become exquisite charity, if communicated to
others.
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Jokes are things which may be viewed many ways. They are often
grouped by such subjects as: Persons (clergy, lawyers, kids),
or Critical Statements (political, social
commentary, putdown), or Technical Features
(misunderstanding, surprise, good news/bad news).
I thought it might be fun to try grouping them by Themes.
Even though these might qualify to be placed into other
categories, the thread of the theme can still be seen.
It is important to
remember something. If themes can remind one of
jokes...it is also true that jokes can remind one of
themes. Themes, like jokes, can play
an important role in our lives, especially when they refer to
human values.