MURPHY'S EMERALD IDYLL
HUMOR
Seven Deadly Sins Jokes
The seven deadly sins are terms which have been around for centuries. They have been revised a time or two, but the following seem to be the ones that have survived. They are: Pride, Envy, Anger, Sloth, Avarice, Gluttony and Lust.
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PRIDE
The Braggart and The Wheelbarrow
The strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen. After several minutes, the older worker had had enough.
"Why don't you put your money where your mouth is," he said. "I'll bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that outbuilding that you won't be able to wheel back."
"You're on, old man," the braggart replied. "Let's see what you got."
The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said with a smile, "All right. Get in."
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ENVY
From: Teresa's Jokers <teresa@family-net.net>
Date: Saturday, June 03, 2000 9:45 AM
Solomon's Diet
The preacher was teaching the adult Sunday school class, and he was
enthusiastically telling about Solomon and his seven hundred wives
and three hundred concubines, and then for good measure, he threw in
that he "fed them on ambrosia."
"Never mind that," said a little man who was intrigued with the story, "what did HE eat?"
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ANGER
From: William Brabant <Buffalos3@webtv.net>
To: buffalos-g-jokes@egroups.com <buffalos-g-jokes@egroups.com>
Date: Sunday, July 11, 1999 9:22 PM
As the crowded airliner is about to take off, the peace is shattered by a five-year-old boy who picks that moment to throw a wild temper tantrum. No matter what his frustrated, embarrassed mother does to try to calm him down, the boy continues to scream furiously and kick the seats around him.
Suddenly, from the rear of the plane, an elderly man in the uniform of an Air Force General is seen slowly walking forward up
the aisle. Stopping the flustered mother with an upraised hand, the white-haired, courtly, soft-spoken General leans down and, motioning toward his chest, whispers something into the boy's ear."Excuse me, General," she asks quietly, "but could I ask you what magic words you used on that little boy?"
The old man smiles serenely and gently confides, "I showed him my pilot's wings, service stars, and battle ribbons, and explained that they entitle me to throw one passenger out the plane door, on any flight I choose."
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SLOTH
First Woman: Does your husband believe in life after death?
Second Woman: My husband doesn't even believe in life after dinner!
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AVARICE
The Millionaire
At a church meeting a very wealthy man rose to tell the rest of those present about his Christian faith.
"I'm a millionaire," he said, "and I attribute it all to the rich blessings of God in my life. I remember that turning point in my faith. I had just earned my first dollar and I went to a church meeting that night. The speaker was a missionary who told about his work. I knew that I only had a dollar bill and had to either give it all to God's work or nothing at all. So at that moment I decided to give my whole dollar to God. I believe that God blessed that decision, and that is why I am a rich man today."
He finished and there was an awed silence at his testimony as he moved toward his seat.
As he sat down a little old lady sitting in the same pew leaned over and said to him: "I dare you to do it again."
Penney Rahm
a friend of Jesus
Penneyr@prodigy.net
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GLUTTONY
The Diet
A woman was terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet.
"I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least 5 pounds."
When the woman returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds.
"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my
instructions?"
The woman nodded. "I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that 3rd day."
"From hunger, you mean?"
"No, from skipping."
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LUST
From: The Oy Vey! <oyveymaster@thedailydose.com>
Date: August 4, 2000 2:30 AM
THE OLD CHASER
When Morganstein Blumenthal had reached the age of seventy-five, he suddenly began chasing the young chicks. A neighbor brought this behavior to the attention of his wife.
"Whatta you gonna do about it?" she asked.
"Who cares?" said Mrs. Blumenthal. "Let him chase girls! Dogs chase cars-- but when they catch them, they can't drive!"
Source: Larry Wheeler
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