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Collected Wisdom

In response to a diminishing number of requests, I am including this listing of collected wise and pithy proverbs (which appear randomly on the ODT Index page).
  1. e+1=0
  2. You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough. -Mae West
  3. Life goes on, having nowhere else to go. -Dianne Ackerman
  4. Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize that half the people are stupider than that. -George Carlin
  5. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. -George Carlin
  6. You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans. -George Carlin
  7. When a true genius appears in the world, you may know him by this sign: that the dunces are all in confederacy against him. -Jonathan Swift
  8. If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went. -Will Rogers
  9. You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you can not fool all of the people all of the time -Abraham Lincoln
  10. I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. -Rita Rudner
  11. Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. -Robert A. Heinlein
  12. If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then give him only two of them. -Phil Pastoret
  13. The past is a foreign country; They do things differently there. -L. P. Hartley; The Go-Between (1953)
  14. Don't be afraid to go out on a limb. That's where the fruit is. -Arthur F. Lenenhan
  15. Time is God's way of keeping everything from happening all at once. -John Wheeler
  16. The world's biggest problem is that intelligent people are full of doubts, while stupid people are full of confidence. -Anon
  17. Gaffe definition: When a politition accidentally tells the truth. -Anon
  18. There are no stupid questions -- but they are easier to answer! -Anon
  19. The bartender says "We don't serve tachyons here."
    A tachyon enters a bar. -Anon
  20. I'll believe corporations are people when Texas executes one. -Anon
  21. Forgetting is another kind of extinction. -Anon
  22. Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children. -Sam Levenson
  23. When Fascism comes to America, it will be carrying a cross and wrapped in a flag. -Sinclair Lewis
  24. A good politician is quite as unthinkable as an honest burglar. -H. L. Mencken
  25. A politician is an animal which can sit on a fence and yet keep both ears to the ground. -H. L. Mencken
  26. Don't overestimate the decency of the human race. -H. L. Mencken
  27. For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong. -H. L. Mencken
  28. I believe in only one thing: liberty; but I do not believe in liberty enough to want to force it upon anyone. -H. L. Mencken
  29. Nothing is so abject and pathetic as a politician who has lost his job, save only a retired stud-horse. -H. L. Mencken
  30. Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy. -H. L. Mencken
  31. Say what you will about the ten commandments, you must always come back to the pleasant fact that there are only ten of them. -H. L. Mencken
  32. Martinis are the only American invention as perfect as a sonnet. -H. L. Mencken
  33. A lie can travel halfway around the world before truth can get her boots on. -Mark Twain
  34. If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to. -Dorothy Parker
  35. It's easier to fool people than to convince them that they have been fooled. -Mark Twain
  36. A banker is the person who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it rains. -Mark Twain
  37. If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man. -Mark Twain
  38. Golf is a good walk spoilt. -Mark Twain
  39. Those who do not read have no advantage over those who can not. -Mark Twain
  40. If you laid all of our laws end to end, there would be no end. -Mark Twain
  41. If man could be crossed with the cat, it would improve man but deteriorate the cat. -Mark Twain
  42. I don't give a damn for a man who can spell a word only one way. -Mark Twain
  43. We welcome every honest immigrant ... provided only that he leaves off his former nationality and ... becomes an American. -Teddy Roosevelt, 4 Jul 1886
  44. The best collection is only as usable as its search mechanism. -RAD
  45. Republicans would repeal oxygen if they thought Obama was behind it! -RAD
  46. Why is it that some families are chock-a-block with notable members while others have a dearth? -RAD
  47. I am always keen to perfect my data! -RAD
  48. I seek dead people. -RAD (with apologies to The Sixth Sense)
  49. Never trust anything run by a computer. -RAD
  50. You can never have too many tools. -RAD
  51. You will never grow if you only read opinion with which you agree. -RAD
  52. True vision is to see the butterfly in a caterpillar. -RAD
  53. Genealogist plods on; Among relative strangers. -RAD (6-word stories)
  54. Conservatives lack that part of the brain that creates empathy; They are simply unable to put themselves in someone else's shoes. We should begin treating them as the brain-damaged wrecks of humanity that they are. -RAD
  55. Democracy is the worst form of government -- excepting all the others. -W. Churchill
  56. You can always count on Americans to do the right thing, after they've tried everything else. -W. Churchill
  57. If you would not be forgotten, / as soon as you are dead and rotten; / Either write things worthy of reading, / or do things worthy of writing. -Benjamin Franklin
  58. There's no crying in baseball! -Tom Hanks (A League of their own)
  59. Do, or do not. There is no try. -Yoda (The Empire Strikes Back)
  60. All generalizations are false, including this one. -Blaise Pascal
  61. There are three kinds of untruths: Lies, Damned Lies, and Statistics. -Benjamin Disraeli
  62. The law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich as well as the poor from sleeping under bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread. -Anatole France
  63. All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident. -Arthur Schopenhauer
  64. I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it. -Groucho Marx
  65. Everything not compulsory is forbidden. -T. H. White (The Once and Future King)
  66. A fool must now and then be right by chance. -William Cowper
  67. I offer my opponents a bargain: if they will stop telling lies about us, I will stop telling the truth about them. -Adlai Stevenson
  68. You can't have everything. Where would you put it? -Steven Wright
  69. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? -Steven Wright
  70. The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. -Steven Wright
  71. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research. -Steven Wright
  72. The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up. -Steven Wright
  73. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name. -Steven Wright
  74. I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it. -Steven Wright
  75. There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot. -Steven Wright
  76. We have met the enemy, and he is us! -Pogo Possum (1970)
  77. It's always something! -Gilda Radner
  78. I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize that I should have been more specific. -Lily Tomlin
  79. 98% of the adults in this country are decent, hardworking, honest Americans. It's the other lousy 2% that get all the publicity. But then, we elected them. -Lily Tomlin
  80. The trouble with the rat-race is that even if you win, you're still a rat. -Lily Tomlin
  81. Punchline: The blonde looks up the river and down the river, then shouts back, "Are you kidding me? You're ALREADY on the other side!" -unknown
  82. Dogs have masters; Cats have staff. -unknown
  83. Illegitimi non carborundum (Don't let the bastards wear you down) -unknown
  84. A Democrat, a Republican and a giraffe walk into a bar. The bartender looks up from his want ads and says, "What is this, a joke?" -unknown
  85. So, an E-flat, a G-flat and a B-flat walk into a bar. The bartender says "I'm sorry, we don't serve minors." -unknown
  86. Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change. -unknown
  87. Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand. -unknown
  88. To err is human. To really screw things up you need a computer. -unknown
  89. The same people that wrote the bible thought the world was flat. -unknown - (disputed)
  90. More austerity coming - the beatings will continue until morale improves! -unknown
  91. "God is dead." -Nietzsche
    "Nietzsche is dead!" -God
  92. And when you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you. -Fredrich Nietzsche
  93. Two roads diverged in a wood, and I... I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference. -Robert Frost
  94. Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason. -Jerry Seinfeld
  95. Nothing in all the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity. -Martin Luther King Jr.
  96. Rev. King's great speech was "I have a dream", not "I have a plan". -Simon Sinek
  97. First things first, but not necessarily in that order. -Dr. Who
  98. Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one. -Albert Einstein
  99. Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler. -Albert Einstein
  100. Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans. -John Lennon
  101. Anyone who isn't confused really doesn't understand the situation. -Edward R. Murrow
  102. Light thinks it travels faster than anything, but it is wrong. No matter how fast light travels, it finds the darkness always got there first, and it is waiting for it. -Terry Pratchet (Reaper Man)
  103. Do not go gentle into that good night... / Rage, rage against the dying of the light. -Dylan Thomas
  104. The answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything is 42. -Douglas Adams Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy
  105. Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain. -The Wizard Of Oz
  106. There are two kinds of people in the world, those who believe there are two kinds of people in the world and those who don't. -Robert Benchley
  107. Some people are born on third base and go through life thinking they hit a triple. -Barry Switzer
  108. Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away. -Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
  109. This is the first age that's paid much attention to the future, which is a little ironic since we may not have one. -Arthur C. Clarke
  110. Forsan et haec olim meminisse iuvabit. (Perhaps it will be pleasing sometime to have remembered these things.) -Virgil, The Aeneid
  111. A people which takes no pride in the achievements of remote ancestors will never achieve anything worthy to be remembered by remote descendants. -Thomas Babington Macaulay
  112. Every man is guilty of all the good he didn't do. -Voltaire
  113. All history becomes subjective; in other words there is properly no history, only biography. -Ralph Waldo Emerson
  114. A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds, adored by little statesmen and philosophers and divines. -Ralph Waldo Emerson
  115. Publicity is the oxygen of terrorism. -Margaret Thatcher
  116. Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence. -Unknown
  117. A village betrays us, a village is burned; [No matter if it was the wrong one,] the point is made.
    Your point, their village. -Boris Pasternak Dr. Zhivago
  118. For of all sad words of tongue or pen,/The saddest are these: "It might have been!" -John Greenleaf Whittier
  119. The only difference between a taxman and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin. -Mark Twain
  120. There's a reason why the word "wired" means both "connected to the internet" and "high, frantic, unable to concentrate". -Johann Hari
  121. I never met anyone who didn't like Aida -- and I don't want to! -Unknown
  122. The best way to escape from a problem is to solve it. -Welsh proverb
  123. I'm mad a Hell, and I'm not going to take it any more! -Howard Beale Network
  124. Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way. -Leo Tolstoy (Anna Karenina)
  125. Be yourself; everything else is taken. -Oscar Wilde
  126. The pure and simple Truth is rarely pure, and never simple. -Oscar Wilde
  127. You cannot negotiate with people who say what's mine is mine and what's yours is negotiable. -Pres. John F. Kennedy
  128. The good thing about science is that it's true whether or not you believe in it. -Neil DeGrasse Tyson
  129. Prediction is difficult, especially about the future. -Danish proverb
  130. I am big. It's the pictures that got small. -Norma Desmond Sunset Boulevard


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Roderic A. Davis, 2nd
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