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Collected Wisdom

In response to a diminishing number of requests, I am including this listing of collected wise and pithy proverbs (which appear randomly on the ODT Index page).
  1. e+1=0
    -Euler
  2. You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough. -Mae West
  3. Life goes on, having nowhere else to go. -Dianne Ackerman
  4. Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize that half the people are stupider than that. -George Carlin
  5. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. -George Carlin
  6. You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans. -George Carlin
  7. When a true genius appears in the world, you may know him by this sign: that the dunces are all in confederacy against him. -Jonathan Swift
  8. If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went. -Will Rogers
  9. You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you can not fool all of the people all of the time -Abraham Lincoln
  10. I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. -Rita Rudner
  11. Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. -Robert A. Heinlein
  12. If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then give him only two of them. -Phil Pastoret
  13. The past is a foreign country; They do things differently there. -L. P. Hartley; The Go-Between (1953)
  14. Don't be afraid to go out on a limb. That's where the fruit is. -Arthur F. Lenenhan
  15. Time is God's way of keeping everything from happening all at once. -John Wheeler
  16. Gaffe definition: When a politition accidentally tells the truth. -Anon
  17. There are no stupid questions -- but they are easier to answer! -Anon
  18. The bartender says "We don't serve tachyons here."
    A tachyon enters a bar. -Anon
  19. I'll believe corporations are people when Texas executes one. -Anon
  20. Forgetting is another kind of extinction. -Anon
  21. Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children. -Sam Levenson
  22. When Fascism comes to America, it will be carrying a cross and wrapped in a flag. -Sinclair Lewis
  23. A good politician is quite as unthinkable as an honest burglar. -H. L. Mencken
  24. A politician is an animal which can sit on a fence and yet keep both ears to the ground. -H. L. Mencken
  25. Don't overestimate the decency of the human race. -H. L. Mencken
  26. For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong. -H. L. Mencken
  27. I believe in only one thing: liberty; but I do not believe in liberty enough to want to force it upon anyone. -H. L. Mencken
  28. Nothing is so abject and pathetic as a politician who has lost his job, save only a retired stud-horse. -H. L. Mencken
  29. Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy. -H. L. Mencken
  30. Say what you will about the ten commandments, you must always come back to the pleasant fact that there are only ten of them. -H. L. Mencken
  31. Martinis are the only American invention as perfect as a sonnet. -H. L. Mencken
  32. A lie can travel halfway around the world before truth can get her boots on. -Mark Twain
  33. If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to. -Dorothy Parker
  34. It's easier to fool people than to convince them that they have been fooled. -Mark Twain
  35. A banker is the person who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it rains. -Mark Twain
  36. If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man. -Mark Twain
  37. Golf is a good walk spoilt. -Mark Twain
  38. Those who do not read have no advantage over those who can not. -Mark Twain
  39. If you laid all of our laws end to end, there would be no end. -Mark Twain
  40. If man could be crossed with the cat, it would improve man but deteriorate the cat. -Mark Twain
  41. I don't give a damn for a man who can spell a word only one way. -Mark Twain
  42. We welcome every honest immigrant ... provided only that he leaves off his former nationality and ... becomes an American. -Teddy Roosevelt, 4 Jul 1886
  43. The best collection is only as usable as its search mechanism. -RAD
  44. Republicans would repeal oxygen if they thought Obama was behind it! -RAD
  45. Why is it that some families are chock-a-block with notable members while others have a dearth? -RAD
  46. I am always keen to perfect my data! -RAD
  47. I seek dead people. -RAD (with apologies to The Sixth Sense)
  48. Never trust anything run by a computer. -RAD
  49. You can never have too many tools. -RAD
  50. You will never grow if you only read opinion with which you agree. -RAD
  51. True vision is to see the butterfly in a caterpillar. -RAD
  52. Genealogist plods on; Among relative strangers. -RAD (6-word stories)
  53. Conservatives lack that part of the brain that creates empathy; They are simply unable to put themselves in someone else's shoes. We should begin treating them as the brain-damaged wrecks of humanity that they are. -RAD
  54. Democracy is the worst form of government -- excepting all the others. -W. Churchill
  55. You can always count on Americans to do the right thing, after they've tried everything else. -W. Churchill
  56. If you would not be forgotten, / as soon as you are dead and rotten; / Either write things worthy of reading, / or do things worthy of writing. -Benjamin Franklin
  57. There's no crying in baseball! -Tom Hanks (A League of their own)
  58. Do, or do not. There is no try. -Yoda (The Empire Strikes Back)
  59. All generalizations are false, including this one. -Blaise Pascal
  60. There are three kinds of untruths: Lies, Damned Lies, and Statistics. -Benjamin Disraeli
  61. The law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich as well as the poor from sleeping under bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread. -Anatole France
  62. All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident. -Arthur Schopenhauer
  63. I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it. -Groucho Marx
  64. Everything not compulsory is forbidden. -T. H. White (The Once and Future King)
  65. A fool must now and then be right by chance. -William Cowper
  66. I offer my opponents a bargain: if they will stop telling lies about us, I will stop telling the truth about them. -Adlai Stevenson
  67. You can't have everything. Where would you put it? -Steven Wright
  68. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? -Steven Wright
  69. The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. -Steven Wright
  70. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research. -Steven Wright
  71. The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up. -Steven Wright
  72. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name. -Steven Wright
  73. I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it. -Steven Wright
  74. There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot. -Steven Wright
  75. We have met the enemy, and he is us! -Pogo Possum (1970)
  76. It's always something! -Gilda Radner
  77. I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize that I should have been more specific. -Lily Tomlin
  78. 98% of the adults in this country are decent, hardworking, honest Americans. It's the other lousy 2% that get all the publicity. But then, we elected them. -Lily Tomlin
  79. The trouble with the rat-race is that even if you win, you're still a rat. -Lily Tomlin
  80. Punchline: The blonde looks up the river and down the river, then shouts back, "Are you kidding me? You're ALREADY on the other side!" -unknown
  81. Dogs have masters; Cats have staff. -unknown
  82. Illegitimi non carborundum (Don't let the bastards wear you down) -unknown
  83. A Democrat, a Republican and a giraffe walk into a bar. The bartender looks up from his want ads and says, "What is this, a joke?" -unknown
  84. So, an E-flat, a G-flat and a B-flat walk into a bar. The bartender says "I'm sorry, we don't serve minors." -unknown
  85. Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change. -unknown
  86. Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand. -unknown
  87. To err is human. To really screw things up you need a computer. -unknown
  88. The same people that wrote the bible thought the world was flat. -unknown - (disputed)
  89. More austerity coming - the beatings will continue until morale improves! -unknown
  90. "God is dead." -Nietzsche
    "Nietzsche is dead!" -God
  91. And when you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you. -Fredrich Nietzsche
  92. Two roads diverged in a wood, and I... I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference. -Robert Frost
  93. Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason. -Jerry Seinfeld
  94. Nothing in all the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity. -Martin Luther King Jr.
  95. Rev. King's great speech was "I have a dream", not "I have a plan". -Simon Sinek
  96. First things first, but not necessarily in that order. -Dr. Who
  97. Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one. -Albert Einstein
  98. Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler. -Albert Einstein
  99. Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans. -John Lennon
  100. Anyone who isn't confused really doesn't understand the situation. -Edward R. Murrow
  101. Light thinks it travels faster than anything, but it is wrong. No matter how fast light travels, it finds the darkness always got there first, and it is waiting for it. -Terry Pratchet (Reaper Man)
  102. Do not go gentle into that good night... / Rage, rage against the dying of the light. -Dylan Thomas
  103. The answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything is 42. -Douglas Adams Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy
  104. Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain. -The Wizard Of Oz
  105. There are two kinds of people in the world, those who believe there are two kinds of people in the world and those who don't. -Robert Benchley
  106. Some people are born on third base and go through life thinking they hit a triple. -Barry Switzer
  107. Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away. -Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
  108. This is the first age that's paid much attention to the future, which is a little ironic since we may not have one. -Arthur C. Clarke
  109. Forsan et haec olim meminisse iuvabit. (Perhaps it will be pleasing sometime to have remembered these things.) -Virgil, The Aeneid
  110. A people which takes no pride in the achievements of remote ancestors will never achieve anything worthy to be remembered by remote descendants. -Thomas Babington Macaulay
  111. Every man is guilty of all the good he didn't do. -Voltaire
  112. All history becomes subjective; in other words there is properly no history, only biography. -Ralph Waldo Emerson
  113. A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds, adored by little statesmen and philosophers and divines. -Ralph Waldo Emerson
  114. Publicity is the oxygen of terrorism. -Margaret Thatcher
  115. Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence. -Unknown
  116. A village betrays us, a village is burned; [No matter if it was the wrong one,] the point is made.
    Your point, their village. -Boris Pasternak Dr. Zhivago
  117. For of all sad words of tongue or pen,/The saddest are these: "It might have been!" -John Greenleaf Whittier
  118. The only difference between a taxman and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin. -Mark Twain
  119. There's a reason why the word "wired" means both "connected to the internet" and "high, frantic, unable to concentrate". -Johann Hari
  120. I never met anyone who didn't like Aida -- and I don't want to! -Unknown
  121. The best way to escape from a problem is to solve it. -Welsh proverb
  122. I'm mad a Hell, and I'm not going to take it any more! -Howard Beale Network
  123. Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way. -Leo Tolstoy (Anna Karenina)
  124. Be yourself; everything else is taken. -Oscar Wilde
  125. The pure and simple Truth is rarely pure, and never simple. -Oscar Wilde
  126. You cannot negotiate with people who say what's mine is mine and what's yours is negotiable. -Pres. John F. Kennedy
  127. The good thing about science is that it's true whether or not you believe in it. -Neil DeGrasse Tyson
  128. Prediction is difficult, especially about the future. -Danish proverb

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