Season's Greetings

            Money's Short
            Times are Hard
            Here's your Fucking
            Christmas Card
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Twas the night before christmas
and all through the house
everyone felt shitty
even the mouse

mom at the whorehouse
and dad smoking grass
I'd just settled down
for a nice piece of ass

when out on the lawn
I heard such a clatter
I sprung from my piece
to see what's the matter

then out on the lawn
I saw a big dick
I knew in a moment
it must be Saint Nick

He came down the chimney
like a bat out of hell
I knew in a moment
the old fucker fell

he filled all our stockings
with pretzels and beer
and a big rubber dick
for my brother the queer

he rose up the chimney
with a thuderous fart
the son of a bitch
blew the chimney apart
he swore and he cursed
as he rode out of sight
piss on you all
and have a good night