1 If your not living on the edge....then your taking up to much space!
2 PRACTICE RANDOM KINDNESS AND SENSELESS ACT OF BEAUTY
3 Meddle not with the ways of dragons for thou are crunchy and taste good with catsup!
4 To much sex on TV can't hurt you....unless you fall off!
5 I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy!
6 If at any time your leader should pretend your posistion with him is 
secure, begin from that momemnt to be unsure.Louis L'amour-TheWalking Drum
7 Anticipation is the carrot suspended before the jackass to keep him moving forward.  Horror is what he would see if he took his eyes off the carrot.  Louis L'amour-The Walking Drum
8 My karma ran over your dogma.
9 Save California, when you leave, take someone with you.
10 Money was invented so we know how much we owe.  Cullen Hightower
11 It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless one has plenty of work to do.  Jerome J. Jerome
12 Often the best thing about not saying anything is that it can't be repeated.  Suzan L. Weiner
13 Never ruin an apology with an excuse.  Kimberly Johnson
14 We're not losers...think of us as "winning impaired"
15 Tonite is your little brothers turn to choose dinner.  We're having gum.	
16 Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
17 Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.
18 I love cats...they taste just like chicken				
19 The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.
20 Conserve toilet paper, use both sides.
21 REHAB is for quitters
22 I get enough exercise just pushing my luck!
23 Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let her sleep
24 All men are Idiots, and I married their King!
25 I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather....
Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car....
26 Work is for people who don't know how to fish
27 I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a  vegetarian
28 Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
29 I Brake For No Apparent Reason.
30 Nobody's ugly after 2 a.m.! 
31 I may be fat, but you're ugly - & I can lose weight!
32 Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.
33 IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you have got. 
34 Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
35 Which came first? The woman or the department store?
36 LAWYER: A cat settles a dispute between 2 mice.			     
37 A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
38 How Can I Miss You if You Won't Go Away?
39 I'm not as think as you drunk I am
40 Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
41 Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
42 Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
43 Be nice to your kids.  They'll choose your nursing home.		
44 Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder...				
45 Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?
46 Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... till you can find a 
rock.